David 'Cod' Cameron is back in an era of fish and chips declining
Half of UK fish and chip shops could close by 2025 but some fish keep on swimming...
It seems impossible to outdo Boris Johnson’s Walmart letter but his mate, David Cameron, is trying.
Cameron, the ex-Prime Minister of the UK, has returned to power as a minister. King Charles made him a Lord so that Rishi Sunak could anoint him as the important Foreign Secretary. It’s a position he’s expected to excel at despite The Tribune describing it as ‘The Return of Dodgy Dave’.
FROM CAVIAR TO SMELLY FISH
Once upon a time, Cameron came from a humble background, attended Heatherdown School (where princes go) and Eton College (where future prime ministers go).
His relationship with Johnson began long, long ago, in the Bullingdon Club. To understand privilege, read the descriptions in the member’s list.
Patriotic warmongers reminisce that during Cameron’s previous reign he helped save the dollar and British oil profits by attacking Libya and Muammar Gaddafi.
Mourners don’t mind that his austerity program gutted the National Health Service and was blamed by the head of the doctor’s union for why COVID pandemic management failed. During lockdown, Cameron was caught in the Greensill lobbying scandal, got away with it, making millions.
He’s a friend of Saudi Arabia, supported their invasion of Yemen, and, as exposed by Wikileaks, arranged for their seat on the UN Human Rights Council. He’s a man you can count on when the morals are against you.
In 2014, Cameron addressed the Israeli Knesset (Parliament):
“What I have always understood is the extraordinary journey of the Jewish people. Thousands of years of history in this holy land. Thousands of years of persecution. And even today, some people despicably questioning your right to exist…
Now my Jewish ancestry is relatively limited but I do feel just some sense of connection. From the lexicon of my great, great grandfather Emile Levita, a Jewish man who came from Germany to Britain 150 years ago to the story of my forefather Elijah Levita who wrote what is thought to have been the first ever Yiddish novel…
It is about remembering the long and rightful search of a people for a nation. And the right for the Jewish people to live a peaceful and prosperous life in Israel.
From the early pioneers, the men and women of the Palestine Exploration Fund, who saw the Jewish history in this land and the possibilities for the future to the Balfour Declaration – the moment when the State of Israel went from a dream to a plan Britain has played a proud and vital role in helping to secure Israel as a homeland for the Jewish people.
And just as important as the history, is the partnership we are building between our countries today.
That begins with our commitment to Israel’s security…”
It was unsurprising, 4 months later, when he refused to condemn Israel for indiscriminately killing Gaza’s citizens.
I haven’t mentioned Iraq, Syria, Brexit, his membership in the Council on Foreign Relations, the money he makes from speaking in the USA (like his mate Johnson), or the 2023 course he taught at NYU Abu Dhabi (located in the UAE).
A MESSAGE FROM COD CAMERON
“We are facing a daunting set of international challenges, including the war in Ukraine and the crisis in the Middle East. At this time of profound global change, it has rarely been more important for this country to stand by our allies, strengthen our partnerships and make sure our voice is heard.
Britain is a truly international country. Our people live all over the world and our businesses trade in every corner of the globe. Working to help ensure stability and security on the global stage is both essential and squarely in our national interest. International security is vital for our domestic security.”
- David Cameron on Twitter, 13 November 2023
SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH
Half of UK fish and chip shops could close by 2025 but some fish keep on swimming. Gaddafi was not a fish so he got a bayonet up his arse (with British salt and American vinegar).
The University of Leeds' 2016 survey ranked Cameron as the third-worst prime minister since World War 2, but they never considered his extraordinary ability to fail upwards.
Will David Cameron rule again? Will he be the proverbial woman behind the throne? Who organised his return?
Is he there to save the UK’s face from their Rwanda refugee plan (despite supporting it), and the fall of Ukraine (despite supporting it)?
Or will he be successful making neocons happy and the UK more hated by half the world?
And all this notwithstanding, even he had to admit after seeing Gaza in 2010 that it was an open air prison camp. Yeah, David Cameron. Lord fucking Fonteroy himself!
Doubt US/UK hatred generation outside of those countries could get much higher. The only foreign ones who don't hate them already don't know yet that they exist. There is still some room inside the two countries, but with him being Foreign Secretary that's not likely to move that needle much due to general inattention by "domestic issues only" citizenry.