Sacrilegious Sunday: God, Politicians & Pastors

A man of God meets God, and learns a lesson.

In many countries, especially secular ones, it’s ironic than sinning politicians attend Church, and are backed by the Church despite knowing that they’re criminals. That makes the Church an accomplice.

I once drank wine with a drunk politician, a Minister of two types of power. He told me that his high position in Government was secure because he was an elder in The Zion Christian Church (ZCC). He said that the ANC, the party he represented, needed him for the church’s votes.

On the other side of the political spectrum, the ‘liberal’ DA are also corrupt. In my ex-home town, everyone knew each other. The politicians committed crimes during the week, got tipsy on the weekend (with two of them miraculously let go after being stopped for drunken driving), and then dressed in their finest clothes on Sunday to visit priests who welcomed their sins.

The USA, as always, revs it harder, indoctrinating children into God and Country as if their battle for freedom from the Crown never happened. Add President Eisenhower’s “One Nation under God” to prosperity gospel, and you have a brainwashed nation singing the national anthem at mock battles called sport. Soldiers are exalted on TV as they surprise their family with a visit, but no kid or teen is shown asking Daddy how many people he killed whilst he was away. They’re worshipped only so long as they’re in uniform, ‘cause a homeless man with one leg on fetanyl is anti-American, anti-God the Merciful.

Even the anti-Imperialists - the podcasters, vloggers and bloggers - are wicked. It’s hard to be popular unless you’re waving the Flag and repeatedly equivocating disgruntlement with patriotism. Even the guy with a thousand cans of beans and a bomb shelter is brainwashed.

One Sunday, years ago, I was overwhelmed by the hypocrisy, and angrily typed this silly parable.

A PARABLE FOR PASTORS

MY SERVANT, WAKE UP.

Mmmm, whose there? [yawn] Is there someone at the door?

I AM YOUR GOD. I AM EVERYWHERE… INCLUDING AT THE DOOR.

My Lord, My Lord, you’ve heard my prayers! Oh, what joyous morning for our little town.

NOT SO JOYOUS, MY SERVANT CALLED JUDAS

But… err… My Lord, I fear you have the wrong house.

DO YOU CHALLENGE THE LORD AND HIS SENSE OF DIRECTION? DO NOT, FOR I AM EVERYWHERE AS I AM CERTAIN I TOLD YOU BEFORE.

I would never challenge My Dear Lord… it’s just… that… my name is Gerald.

NO, IT IS NOT. I HAVE COMMANDED THAT THEE, HENCEFORTH, BE CALLED JUDAS

[gulp] Ok, my Lord.

I AM DISAPPOINTED.

In meeee?

CONFESS, TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE DONE SO THAT I KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND YOU KNOW WHAT.

I am confused, My Lord. I worked for years to build a Church for you. I've filled it on Sundays with important people who've donated almost generously to you, My Lord.

IT IS TRUE, YOU HAVE DELIVERED MANY OF MY CHILDREN FROM THEIR SATURDAY HANGOVER AT THE LOCAL BAR. I AM EVERYWHERE… AND TELL THE OWNER THAT HIS GLITTER BALL DOTH DISPLEASE ME.

Anything you say, My Lord, I’m glad that I've pleased you… and can please you more…. in these strange ways.

DO NOT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH FOR IT IS I WHO CREATED WORDS, AND I AM DISPLEASED. IT IS SUCH THAT YOU HAVE PISSED ME OFF WHICH IS TRUE BECAUSE YOUR LORD SAIDETH.

Oh no, My Lord, how have I offended My Creator of all that I cherish?

LIKE THAT $2000 SUIT AND NEW SUV WITH CHROME TYRES YOU BOUGHT FROM THE “ALMOST GENEROUS” TITHES.

Oh… err… you know about that?

THE LORD DOTH NOT MAKE QUESTIONS, THE LORD MAKETH STATEMENTS. SO IT IS SO BECAUSE IT IS SO.

I wish to make myself better in your image, My Lord, and to attract more people nearer to your likeness. My Lord.

WHAT KNOW YOU OF MINE IMAGE. I AM NOT IN NEED OF MORTAL COTTON AND LONG HAIR. I AM NAKED AND INVISIBLE. I AM EVERYWHERRRE. I AM HERE.

Sorry, My Lord, sorry, My Lord, your Judas begs forgiveness.

THAT… IS… NOT… POSSIBLE. YOU HAVE COMMITTED THE GREATEST SIN OF ALL.

But she was so young and beautiful. Please forgive me as my wife often forgives me.

THAT IS NOT WHAT I SPEAK OF, NOR YOUR WIFE THAT COVETS THE POSITION OF A PASTOR’S WIFE ABOVE ALL ELSE.

Was it the loan from the coffers, My Lord? Know that I will give it back.

THAT IS ALSO NOT WHAT I SPEAK OF.

Is it about the eternal damnation of that young boy if he didn’t wash my car, My Lord… which, I think, was more like a fib than a lie, My Lord.

NO.

Please guide me, My Lord.

YOU LET POLITICIANS INTO MY HOUSE.

But they wore such fine clothes and attracted more sheep to my flock, My Lord.

MY HOUSE, MY FLOCK.

Yes, My Lord. Sorry, my Lord. How may I seek penance?

THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS, MY JUDAS, THERE IS ONLY MORTAL DAMNATION FOR CONSORTING WITH POLITICIANS.

[gulp]

I SENTENCE THEE TO A LIFE AMONG THE POOR, WHERE THE POLITICIANS CANNOT HEAR ME.

Oh, noooooo....

OH, YES. MY WILL IS DONE.

PS: My mother donated money to Creflo Dollar :(